French homework with a sting in the tail!!
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By G.Rand Conte
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Finally recovered from our ignominious arrival on French soil, and settling in enthusiastically in our new home and community, we wanted to improve our French and develop our communication skills. Enrolled at the local school we began our journey into radically reversing how we spoke English. Our E’s now had to sound like I’s and our I’s had to sound like E’s the G was now a J and vice versa.
Given our homework for the week we had to return with an account of what we did during the week and what new words we had learnt. We decided on a walk around our local nature reserve knowing that along the walk there were notice boards displaying detailed information about the natural wildlife.
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On a beautiful morning we set out following the trail that wound around the local marsh land. There were many displays with pictures of the birds and fish and a brief description. With our limited French we accepted the challenge to learn new words along with more about the wildlife.
One particular information board explained that the fossilised trees found in the area are called “Sitting Dogs” by the locals.
Enjoying our sojourn and pleased with the progress we were making, we were challenged by a particular notice that because of its location was hard for to us to read. Placed amidst some interesting looking mini wigwams made from birch wood, we strained to read the wording on the board placed as it was in a rather awkward position between us and a number of small ditches.
Mentally deriding the official who had placed the sign in such a difficult position to read and after a deal of huffing and puffing, I decided that there was no choice but for me to climb over the ditches to read the notice. Just managing to negotiate the ditches and scramble up to the notice, I was finally able to call back the words in French to my partner, who duly began to slowly translate them using our trusty pocket French / English dictionary.
I suppose I should have been alerted as the first word translated was relayed back -Danger” – but I was too engrossed in my task for the word to register. However the second word “Beware” should have kick started my self preservation adrenaline flow, but it wasn’t until the whole sentence was translated “Danger, beware of the wasps nests” that my brain finally realised that the attractive wigwams that I now stood amongst were wasps nests, and that the inhabitants although tiny, and now amassing in large agitated numbers were determined to drive away the stupid English man now hastily crashing through the ditches, put there to stop such as he from getting too close to the wasps and disturbing their tranquillity.
Fortunately the only damage done was to my pride and dignity, as I had attracted the attention of a amused audience of hikers along with a group of bird watchers, who diverted from the rare birds, eagerly trained their binoculars on the strange creature they quickly named the Lesser Spotted Man with flailing arms and red face
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